


Art of the Fall - A love story (but only the good parts)

by dealan



Category: 24 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 20:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dealan/pseuds/dealan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's messy, it's complicated and half the time they don't know what they're doing. The phrase "falling in love" was never so apt. (Or 100 things that could have happened to Jack and Renee).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Before

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Notes: Ninety-five percent of this fic was written way back in the summer between the months of May and July 2009. You can all thank (or blame- hehe) leigh57 for getting me to actually post this sucker despite of all my RL drama, because this would probably still be on my hard drive without her. Given how few spoilers there were back then (and how half of them were wrong), what began as a speculation fic is now solidly an AU. Still, it's nice to think upon what could have been.

1.

The world she's trusted so much is splintering.

The system she's worked her entire life for has been corrupted from within. Disbanded agencies are running undercover operations, and enemies are turning out to be allies. She can barely keep up. Nothing about today makes sense.

The irony that she was right to trust the man who put her in a sleeper hold and buried her alive isn't lost on her either.

It's an odd comfort, but right now she'll take it. She needs something to hold onto because she can sense the next hit.

She just can't see it coming.

2.

He never saw her coming.

That's the unsettling thought he keeps circling back to. She parachuted out of nowhere, plucked him out of the Senate hearing, and since then, she has surprised him at every turn, whether it was breaking the wrist of a man double her size or pulling a gun on him with the intent to use it.

And he can't pinpoint exactly when it happened, but somehow she snuck past his defenses and what she thinks matters now. It is important to Jack that Renee understands him.

That scares him a little because he doesn't know why.

3.

She’s lying to him, and Larry wants to know why.

He can't banish the image of Dubaku choking Renee from his mind. Given the force used, the wound on her neck doesn't surprise him. The way she tenses when he mentions it does.

"Dubaku give you that?" he asks as the medic replaces the bandage.

She hesitates too long. "No. I got it saving the Matobos."

He wants to ask what she's not telling him. He can't help but think Bauer's involved somehow. The question hangs on the tip of his tongue, but there's no time.

He'll ask her later.

4.

He's asked too much from Bill already. Jack can't begrudge his decision.

But they are running out of options. They don't know where the target is and the window’s closing fast. He hopes Renee- _Agent Walker_ \- has had better luck. A funny jolt of concern hit him in the stomach when Bill mentioned her unknown whereabouts, but from what he knows of her, she’ll find the lead. It's a small relief that someone capable is out there searching for it.

It's just so damn frustrating to know that he can do something about it, but he's not allowed to help.

5.

She's so frustrated that she's not allowed to help, she decides to take a shower to cool off.

It's a ridiculous thing to do when there are terrorists to stop, but she's been suspended. There's nothing she can do. She might as well wash the Potomac out of her hair.

It's good to feel clean again, but still her mind wanders to what’s happening with Burnett. Her only comfort is that she knows Jack will get the answers they need.

She doesn't regret going over Larry's head, even as she packs her things into boxes. What she did wasn't wrong.

6.

“Jack, what’s wrong?”

Renee’s voice breaks though his reverie.

“Sorry, I just thinking about Hodges.”

“You have another theory?”

“No.” He hesitates. “Hodges’ justification. Tony said a similar thing earlier tonight, but he called them my rules...and they were.”

“I’m not saying I agree with everything you’ve done today, but you do have a line, Jack.  You could’ve easily turned out like them. You haven’t."

“It’s not that simple.”

“It is. You and me? We’re the same. They're nothing like us.”

He shakes his head. She shouldn't place such complete faith in him. He hasn't earned that right yet.

7.

Jack's earned the right to see this through to the end, but even she has her limits. After his outburst, Renee has to say something.

She pulls him away from prying eyes. She doesn't mention his lapse of memory; instead she hands him the pack of syringes.

"I know she's being difficult, but you can't yell at Janis like that, Jack.”

"I know. I’m sorry."

She evaluates him carefully.

"You'll tell me if you really can't handle this?"

"You have my word."

She nods firmly and gives him the space to collect himself in the quiet of the empty room.

8.

In the empty room, the echoes slice through the quiet like papercuts.

Renee shoots him a startled look, but the imam caves and looks at the photograph.

_Good._

Jack resumes his survey of the shadowed hallways. The imam may not be the one responsible, but he's clearly hiding something. Perhaps this Jibraan is here in the worship center.

They have find him. They have to capture him before the bomb goes off. Kate's the only one who's seen him and--

No. Not Kate. Renee. Kate is from a lifetime ago.

Jack focuses on Renee and turns back to the present.

9.

He focuses on Renee, on what she's doing now, to distract himself from the pain.  

His body is rebelling and for a brief moment, Jack wants her to appear, guns drawn to stop his worst nightmare from happening, but immediately he pushes the thought away. She isn't coming because she's saving Kim. She's exactly where she needs to be. It's up to him to stop this.

He's used this body to save countless lives. He won't let them turn it into a weapon. When he dies, it's going to be on his terms.

It's over when he says it's over.

10.

It's over.

A sharp pain blossoms in her chest when she realizes what that really means.

They've stopped the sky from falling. In the last 24 hours, they've done more to save the country than she's done in months.

Yet it's still not enough.

As the silence grows between them, she's screaming inside.

_It isn't fair._

She almost says it aloud, but his touch stops her. Instead she drinks in every detail of his face and tries to brand him into her mind.

When they take him from her, she tucks the memory away, resolved to brave the rest alone.


	2. Leaps of Faith

11.  
  
She doesn’t know how she got here.  
  
She remembers being told that she’s off the case. She remembers the anger boiling to the surface and the exhaustion threatening to knock her out.  
  
Mostly, she remembers the way all that disappeared when she heard the news.  
  
But the rest is a blur of flurried details. She doesn’t remember speeding to the hospital, sprinting past the nurses’ station. She doesn’t remember finding Jack, only holding his hand, feeling his steady pulse under her fingers.  
  
She wasn’t expecting this so soon.  
  
To feel hope piercing through the darkness like a flare of light.  
  
12.  
  
Their voices dance against the darkness as flares of light. He hears their meaning in colors, not words.  
  
The yellow spikes make him flinch.  He doesn’t know why, but the girl shouldn’t do it.  
  
He wants to tell the shifting pattern of green and brown to stop goading him to wake up. He’s trying, dammit.  
  
He hears red the most. Every day, a vibrant red streak appears in the exact same place, a direct pathway leading to the unknown.  
  
He decides one day to follow the red line. White light floods his vision.  
  
“Jack?”  
  
“Get someone! He’s opening his eyes!”  
  
13.  
  
She opens her eyes and stares at the red lines that read 3:54 am.  
  
 _This is ridiculous._  
  
For the last four nights, she has found it impossible to fall asleep in her own apartment.  
  
It’s too empty. Silence swallows the room and the solitude she used to crave now feels eerie and disquieting.  
  
She’s even come to hate her own bed. Napping in the uncomfortable chair next to Jack’s bed is preferable, because the rhythmic beeps of his pulse remind her that she isn’t alone.  
  
All she wants to do is sleep and not wake up for a week.  
  
14.  
  
It takes a week for him to wake up, or so he’s told.  
  
He actually doesn't remember waking up. They don’t know if it’s from the biotoxin or just the standard coming-out-of-a-coma memory loss.  
  
He hates that.  
  
He hates not knowing if the gaps in his memory are permanent. He hates that his muscles are so weak he can barely lift his arm.  
  
He hates hoping that he’s cured and fearing that he’s not.  
  
He wants answers.  
  
He wishes someone would smack him on the head and render him unconscious until the doctors know for sure.  
  
15.  
  
She wants to smack him on the head.  
  
"How long are you going to stay angry at Kim?"  
  
"She shouldn't have done it. I told her I didn't want this."  
  
He's being so goddamn stubborn. "It's not about you. It's about  _her_. She made the only choice she could live with."  
  
As she gets up to go, Jack glares at her for throwing his words back at him.  
  
"And for the record, I'm not sorry she did it. I'm glad I don't have to lose you too."  
  
She knows without looking she's gotten through to him with that parting shot.  
  
16.  
  
She knows without looking at Chloe for confirmation that the redhead coming towards her is Agent Walker. She’s the only one at Bill’s funeral that Karen doesn’t recognize.  
  
“Ms. Hayes, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m Renee Walker. I worked briefly with your husband. He was a good man.”  
  
She’s heard that so many times the words should sound trite, but at least Agent Walker seems to mean it.  
  
“I also have a message from Jack Bauer.”  
  
Karen pushes the letter back unopened. “Tell Jack this isn’t his fault.”  
  
Bill chose this path. This isn’t Jack's cross to bear.  
  
17.  
  
The cross in the dark chapel is unbearably bright, but it's peaceful here unlike the chaos outside.     
  
Renee didn't mean to cause trouble at Larry's funeral. She only wanted to give him back the mini Bill of Rights he gave her. Apparently that was a mistake.  
  
 _Just one of many._  
  
She tries not to focus on the hurtful words thrown at her about Larry’s marriage and death. It isn’t anything she hasn't told herself already.  
  
Instead she lights a candle. She prays to a god she's not sure she believes in anymore for the peace she cannot seem to find.  
  
18.  
  
She finds him before he escapes, trying wheel himself out of the door.  
  
"Jack! What are you doing?"  
  
"I--I just need some fresh air."  
  
"Dr. Macer said-"  
  
"I can't sit in that room anymore! Renee, please. I'm going crazy."  
  
Why does he have ask like that? She'd be mad but he doesn't have a clue. She can't refuse him anything and he has no idea.  
  
She grabs the handles of his chair. "One lap around the hall, then right back, got it?"  
  
"Can we stop at the cafeteria? I'm tired of Jello."  
  
"You're the worst patient ever."  
  
"I know."  
  
19.  
  
He finally knows.  
  
It took two weeks but the doctors are absolutely sure now. They want him to stay in town to monitor his slowly recovering memory and he still has months of physical therapy ahead of him, but there isn’t a trace of biotoxin left in his body.  
  
He’s going to live.  
  
But he still feels unsettled. He made his peace with his death, only to get a second chance at life. He doesn’t know what to do now. It’s paralyzing.  
  
He watches the uptick of his pulse on the monitor.  
  
He still feels like he shouldn’t be here.  
  
20.  
  
She shouldn’t be here. She feels like a voyeur but the sight is too riveting to look away.  
  
Jack is holding his grandchild and the expression of wonder on his face is astonishing. All the previous tension between Kim and Jack is gone. Stephen stands next to them beaming.  
  
They look like a family.  
  
She clears her throat to get their attention. “I see you’re busy right now.  I’ll come back later.”  
  
“No, stay. Come meet Teri.”  
  
Her heart expands at his words. For the first time, she has a strong sense of security that isn’t fleeting.  
  
It feels permanent.


	3. The Fallout

21.  
  
BANG!  BANG!  
  
Bullets tear through paper, echoing in the shooting range. The cluster is tight, she notes with satisfaction.  
  
It's a stark contrast to how she feels about everything else in her life.  
  
Her career is in limbo. Officially she’s been suspended, but only for now.  The AG’s office is too busy dealing with the traitors on Dubaku’s list and the media circus surrounding Olivia Taylor. But they’ll get to her. It’s only a matter of time.  
  
Still, she can’t bring herself to regret what she did to Wilson. She only wishes she could do more to make it right.  
  
22.  
  
It isn't right.  
  
The sun shines too brightly and the skies are too clear. It seems wrong to be laying anyone in the ground on a day as beautiful as today.  
  
Especially someone who shouldn't have died at all.  
  
In his hospital bed, Jack watches the broadcast of Senator Mayer's funeral in Arlington Cemetery. He listens as people extoll Mayer’s virtues. When the commentator speaks about unfinished work, it feels like someone has coiled his stomach into knots and poured concrete on it.  
  
 _Quinn was after me,_  he thinks.  _Mayer only answered the door. He didn't deserve to die that night._  
  
23.  
  
"She doesn’t deserve this, Madame President. Agent Walker was responsible for every major lead we had. She saved countless lives, including your husband’s."  
  
"I understand, Jack, but she broke the law. I can't overlook that."  
  
Renee's going to kill him for what he says next.  
  
"She wasn't thinking straight. She had just lost her partner, survived two explosions, and been buried alive earlier that day. The fact she was even standing, let alone focused enough to capture Wilson, still surprises me."  
  
"I'll take that under consideration."  
  
Renee’ll be angry but she won't go to jail. He can live with that.  
  
24.  
  
She can live with the choices she made, but she never thought it would be this painful to walk past the FBI building. The imposing walls she once took comfort in, the very symbol of her need to defend and uphold justice, now feel impenetrable. And it  _hurts_ , it physically hurts to see it and know she's not allowed in.  
  
It's not that she's ungrateful. Indefinite suspension and forced therapy are much better than jail. She still wonders if Jack had anything to do with that.  
  
It's just she misses her old life. She misses how it used to be.   
  
25.  
  
Chloe misses how he used to be.  
  
Jack’s still Jack, but testing him on things he should know is weird. She’s not used to seeing him so...lost.  
  
“Honestly, darling, Jack's a big boy. He’ll be fine. Meanwhile, your actual child needs to go home. Prescott's forgetting what our house looks like.”  
  
She sighs. "Jack needs us. Renee doesn’t know the CTU files like we do. There’s no one else left.”  
  
It hurts to think about Tony. She still can’t believe everything that’s happened.  
  
She eyes Jack and Renee from the doorway and wonders if they’re talked about the trial.   
  
26.  
  
They don’t talk about the trial.  
  
She wants to but she can’t.  
  
How do you ask for help from a man who has been through so much? What do you say when his (former) best friend killed yours and the fragments of memories and what should have been cut too deep?  
  
She doesn't know what to say, so she doesn't say anything.  
  
Larry would say that ignoring the problem doesn't make it go away. She misses him every day.  
  
Maybe someday she’ll be able to talk about it with Jack. It just can't happen now.  
  
She wishes things were different.  
  
27.  
  
Jack wishes they’d talk about something different.  
  
“Big news on Capitol Hill. The House narrowly passed President Taylor’s latest security bill-”  
  
[click]  
  
“-reconstitution of the controversial Counter Terrorist Unit-”  
  
[click]  
  
“-heads to the Senate, which isn't expected to take up the matter until the fall, but if passed, CTU offices could be in place as early as next-”  
  
[click]  
  
“-the late Senator Mayer fought against-”  
  
[click]  
  
“-investigations continue to find the masterminds behind last month’s terrorist-”  
  
[click]  
  
“- other news, summer is finally under way with the kickoff of the Smithsonian Folklife Festival. This week, you can meet many a tourist...”  
  
28.  
  
He meets her at the Smithsonian, near the Pterodactyls overlooking the Dinosaur Room. He stands next to her and waits until she’s ready to speak.  
  
“When I first moved to DC, I’d come here a lot. It always fascinated me. All these museums were just across the street, free for anyone to see. Now I come here to remind myself why what we do matters.” She pauses and glances at him. “Nothing's really free.”  
  
He slips his hand into hers, interlacing their fingers, and squeezes.  
  
Together they watch two boys jump at the T-Rex below, laughing carelessly in glee.  
  
29.  
  
He watches the laughing children race past him to the cliffs ahead.  
  
It’s good to get away from everything.  
  
He has to hand it to Renee. When she took a right into Virginia onto the GW Parkway, the last place he expected to wind up was Great Falls Park.  He had forgotten that there were waterfalls so close to the city.  
  
He takes in the clear open sky and the roar of rushing water below. The sense of freedom soaring in him is overwhelming.  
  
“Thanks. I needed this.”  
  
She smiles and his heart feels lighter. It will be all right.  
  
30.  
  
 _It’ll be all right,_  Renee thinks.  _It was always supposed to be this way._  
  
After almost two months of putting their lives on hold, Kim and Stephen have finally convinced Dr. Macer to let Jack go to back to L.A. They leave tomorrow.  
  
It hurts more than it should.  
  
She should be happy for him. She should be glad that Stephen is a doctor so Jack can finish the remainder of his recovery with his family. She shouldn’t feel this pang of loss so deeply.  
  
 _He deserves to go home,_  she chides herself.  _He was never meant to stay._


	4. A Hole in the World Where You Used to Be

31.  
  
Part of him can't believe it’s real.  
  
His life is filled with blessings he doesn’t feel he deserves. Although still fragile, his relationship with Kim is back on the mend. Once again, he has the respect and personal thanks of the highest office in the nation.  
  
And after almost eight years, he gets to go home. For good.  
  
It’s enough to turn him into an absent-minded moron. Renee had to turn around twice, first because he forgot his ticket, then his pills.  
  
Even as the plane takes off, he can’t shake the feeling that he’s left something important behind.  
  
32.  
  
Jack said he left something important for her.  
  
He’s been gone for days but she hasn’t opened the envelope. It’s stupid, but she doesn’t want to let him go just yet.  
  
Eventually curiosity gets the better of her.  
  
Inside she finds a folded paper with a note in Jack’s distinctive scrawl.  
  
 _For when you need reminding of why what you did matters. If you ever need more, you have my number._  
  
It’s a letter of thanks, personally signed by the First Gentleman, for all her services.  
  
She fights back tears as she traces the embossed letters on the smooth paper.  
  
33.  
  
He traces the engraved letters in the smooth granite.  
  
Teri's name is exactly as he remembers, but his name etched beside hers makes his heart constrict.  
  
He needs to get away.  
  
He climbs into the car but he can’t escape his thoughts. He fumbles for his phone and presses redial.  
  
"Walker."  
  
"I just saw my own grave."  
  
“What?”  
  
"I knew it'd be here, but seeing it...why Kim never..." he trails off helplessly.  
  
"Jack," she says gently.  
  
“I have so much to make up for, Renee.”  
  
She doesn't say anything. She just listens until he can breathe again.  
  
It's enough.  
  
34.  
  
It’s not enough.  
  
It’s been three months and nothing she’s done in therapy has been good enough to get her off probation.  
  
Granted, she opens up better to Jack than she does to her own therapist. But she has gotten better. It should be enough to merit a provisional return.  
  
Meanwhile, the investigation of Wilson’s group continues without her.  
  
She’s beginning to think it’s nothing but politics. They can’t fire her because of the President, so they’re just waiting for her resign.  
  
Well, she won't give them the satisfaction.  
  
They’ll have to reach for the phone and tell her themselves.  
  
35.  
  
He reaches for the phone, careful not to disturb the sleeping bundle in his arms.  
  
"Renee?"  
  
"Hey. I'm not bothering you, am I?"  
  
"No, I'm just looking after Teri. Why are you up? It's almost 3:00 am over there."  
  
"Couldn't sleep. You're the only one I knew I could bother."  
  
Jack frowns. Her joking tone isn't fooling anyone.  
  
"Same dream?"  
  
"You died this time. Different trigger mechanism. I couldn't save you."  
  
A quiet beat settles between them.  
  
"Wanna hear about Teri?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He speaks with joy in gentle tones. With every word, he can hear her anxiety melt away.  
  
36.  
  
With every word, she can hear his anxiety grow.  
  
“It’s not Kim. They’re great, especially Teri. It’s just...I keep thinking about the missing people who should be here.”  
  
Yeah. She knows the feeling.  
  
“At least the weather’s nice. You aren’t trapped by snow. I can’t escape my sisters. I know they’re trying to cheer me up, but they’re trying too hard. I actually had to hide the mug you sent me so Claire couldn’t fill it with eggnog. It’s really frustrating.”  
  
“Yeah," he snorts. "Merry fucking Christmas.”  
  
She has to smile at his grouchiness. It’s nice to be understood.  
  
37.  
  
It’s nice to be understood for once. Jack’s grateful that President Taylor gets why he had to say no.  
  
He won’t lie. He was tempted to take the job offer at the new CTU L.A. Lately he’s been feeling restless, and the position would have given him something to do, some purpose.  
  
But people he loved suffered because of his job. He thinks about Teri and Audrey, and his heart clenches from the loss.  
  
He can’t go through that again.  
  
He considers it a last favor to the people he’s lost that he’s learning how to find a balance.  
  
38.  
  
Janis considers it a last favor to Larry that she’s doing this.  
  
“Renee, I’m breaking about twelve billion protocols by calling, but I thought you should know before it hits the news. We caught them. Wilson’s going to be convicted…We actually have Almeida to thank. He’s been helping us for the past eight months.”  
  
She pauses.  
  
“Almeida didn’t get immunity, though. Anyway, without your leads, we wouldn’t have found the connection. You deserved to know.”  
  
As she hangs up, Janis muses on what Renee will tell Jack. With Tony’s upcoming execution, she wonders how he feels about all this.  
  
39.  
  
Jack doesn’t know what he’s feeling.  
  
He replays their last conversation over in his head.  
  
 _“I don’t understand.”  
  
“Wilson needed to be caught. He has to pay for what he did to Michelle.”  
  
“But you brought in Cara’s laptop. You found the contact that got them their conviction. How could they not take the death penalty off the table? Why didn’t you appeal?”  
  
“And spend my life behind bars?” he snorts. “Right. Because I did so well the first time.”  
  
“Tony...”  
  
“She’s gone, Jack,” he whispers. “And I need to pay for what I did.”_  
  
Today’s the day. Tony’s gone.  
  
40.  
  
Today’s the day.  
  
She’s gone over this moment a thousand times in her head. Wilson will finally pay for everything he’s done. Justice will be served.  
  
But now that she’s here, she can't even enter the courtroom. She doesn’t know if she can bear to see that smug look on his face. She wishes for the billionth time that Jack were here.  
  
“Renee?”  
  
Her head snaps up to find him standing in front of her.  
  
He’s here.  _He’s really here._  Tears prick at her eyes.  
  
“You ready?”  
  
She nods and Jack pulls her to her feet. Together they walk inside.


	5. Patchwork Hearts

41.  
  
“So you’re taking the job?”  
  
“It was hard to say no when Tim Woods told me I came highly recommended by the First Gentleman and the White House Chief of Staff. I’ll be on probation for a few months, and monthly psych evaluations will still be required, but you’re talking to the new Head of Field Ops for CTU New York.”  
  
“You excited about the move?”  
  
She’s glad Jack called. She’s been wandering around all day. It’s been difficult saying goodbye to the city she's loved.  
  
“I need a fresh start.”  
  
Good and bad, the city holds too many memories.  
  
42.  
  
Kim’s home holds too many memories he isn’t a part of.  
  
She’s already done so much. He can’t tell her how out of place he feels. He doesn’t want her to feel like she’s not enough.  
  
The only person he talks to about it is Renee.  
  
Jack struggles to understand why she’s different. Then, a memory slips into place, words refracted in his mind's eye:  
  
 _No one who hasn’t been to the edge and looked over can ever understand._  
  
Renee’s a survivor just like him.  
  
She makes him feel like he’s not the only damaged person trying to find purpose.  
  
43.  
  
He makes her feel like hitting her head against a wall.  
  
She can't stand the CTU psychiatrist. Wyatt keeps insisting that something is missing.  
  
"I'm fine. Really. My life is complete."  
  
"If that were the case, you wouldn't be acting like you've got something to prove."  
  
She groans inwardly. She wouldn't need to prove anything if this probation period ended. It makes her subordinates question her abilities. No one has confronted her outright, but she sees the judgment in their eyes.  
  
“You aren't ready. And I won't sign your release form until you are."  
  
Like he'd ever let her forget.  
  
44.  
  
He almost forgot.  
  
It isn't until Jack receives a brightly colored envelope from Renee that he realizes it's two days until his birthday.  
  
A peculiar feeling passes over him as he stares at the silly cartoons on the card in his hand. He hasn't celebrated his birthday in a long time. There’s been nothing to celebrate, and he's been on the run for years.  
  
It's different now, and he's still not used to it. And he's definitely not used to someone caring enough to send a card celebrating the fact he's still alive.  
  
It's a strange new sensation. It's...nice.  
  
45.  
  
“That's a nice but strange theory, Claire.”  
  
"You’re being stubborn again. You know your shrink’s right. You don’t have a life."  
  
“I have a life,” she bristles.  
  
“Not outside work. All the people in your stories are co-workers or bosses. The only other person I’ve ever heard you talk about is that retired cop in L.A.”  
  
“Jack was never a cop,” Renee sighs. “Don’t you watch the news?”  
  
“Whatever. Look, it's a long weekend. Get out of town or something. Show Dr. Wyatt you can let work go.”  
  
That’s just the problem. She doesn’t want to let go.  
  
46.  
  
He has to let this go.  
  
Trying to figure out by himself why he’s so unsatisfied isn’t working. He needs to talk to someone who’s here. He’s even considering calling up the psychologist Dr. Macer suggested for his memory loss.  
  
 _It’s not like Renee can just materialize on the porch._  
  
When the doorbell rings and he finds her standing on his doorstep, he’s paralyzed by shock.  
  
“So, uh, I needed a break and...” She glances nervously at him. “Oh God. I'm sorry. I should’ve called first.”  
  
His mouth splits into a grin. “Yeah you should’ve called. It's been too long.”  
  
47.  
  
It's been too long.  
  
She can’t believe they’re stuck in this hotel elevator. They never should have gone back to get her camera.  
  
 _They’ll be here soon. Earthquakes happen all the time in California._  
  
She concentrates on containing her panic, but the darkness is getting to her. Her skin’s crawling, and the walls feel like they are closing in. It's almost like being buried alive. She can’t breathe.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
When she doesn't answer, he cups her chin gently.  "Close your eyes. Focus on my voice."  
  
She grips his arm tightly and doesn't let go until the doors finally open.  
  
48.  
  
He grips her hand tightly and doesn't let go until it's all over.  
  
Renee struggles not to laugh, because, well, it’s  _Jack_. Jack, who has flown helicopters, landed jets, and jumped out of planes.  
  
It’s hard to believe he can’t stand roller coasters.  
  
She loves to rush of wind on her face and the weightless feeling, like she might just soar off the seat at any moment. It’s the closest to flying she’ll ever get.  
  
She holds him steady as they step back onto solid ground.  
  
"Thanks," she says.  
  
She means more than just riding with her.  
  
“I needed this.”  
  
49.  
  
“I don’t need anything else. Wyatt’s wrong.”  
  
“He’s not entirely wrong.”  
  
Renee curls her toes in the sand. “We just spent three hours talking about your need for purpose, Jack. All I have is purpose. Do you know how good it feels to be  _doing_  something again?”  
  
“And what if you lose it? I don't regret the choices I made in the field but always putting the job first cost me Teri, Audrey, even Kim."  
  
They sit quietly as the ocean stretches out before them, unfurling with possibility.  
  
“Find a balance, Renee. You don't want to end up like me."  
  
50.  
  
“What happened to finding a balance?”  
  
“Kim, the President personally requested for me.”  
  
“But it’s CTU.”  
  
“I'm only consulting for six months. And I’m not reporting to CTU or Division. I report to Homeland Security. They need the transition help.” He pauses. “And I need this.”  
  
He does. He thinks she doesn’t notice, but she knows.  
  
“I’d gotten used to you being around,” she admits.  
  
“Oh sweetheart. C’mere.”  
  
She relishes the security of her father’s embrace, before releasing him reluctantly. She watches him disappear into the airport and takes deep breath.  
  
He’ll be back. Renee won’t let him disappear again.


	6. Prelapsarian Love Song

51.  
  
Jack wakes up to her humming as she hangs his clothes in the closet.  
  
"Renee?"  
  
"Finally. You know, I said I'd help you unpack, not watch you nap while I do all the work."  
  
He has the grace to look sheepish.  
  
"You always sleep with your shoes on?"  
  
He doesn't tell her it's been a habit since Nigeria, when he literally fell out of bed and had to run for his life barefoot for two miles. Instead he just shrugs.  
  
"Well? It's your apartment. Grab those books."  
  
He matches her smile and toes off his boots.  
  
Time to stop running.  
  
52.  
  
Her mind won't stop running.  
  
She’s not even having the dreams anymore. She’s just restless. Finally she pulls out her phone.  
  
“I’m still on L.A. time. What’s your excuse?”  
  
She can hear his grin over the phone. “I've become an insomniac. How was your first day at Division?"  
  
Jack groans. “Tell me the CTU director won’t give me crap tomorrow.”  
  
“Meredith's actually relieved we're not dealing directly with Parker anymore.”  
  
“Kirk’s a jackass.”  
  
As Jack continues his rant, she settles into bed for the first time, smiling with the tinge of warmth she’s come to associate with Jack’s voice.  
  
53.  
  
The first time she smiles without the tinge of sadness, it almost blinds him how gorgeous she is.  
  
“Wow…” Words die on his lips. His throat is suddenly dry.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing. I've just never seen you smile like that before. "  
  
Her wide grin transforms into a self-conscious smile. He watches in fascination as the blush starts in the tips of her ears, creeps across her face, down her neck, and disappears below her neckline. Unbidden thoughts enter his brain. He wonders if the flush travels all the way down her body.  
  
He clears his throat uneasily. "Need more coffee?"  
  
54.  
  
"NEED. COFFEE."  
  
"Good morning, Mike," Renee laughs, handing him a steaming cup.  
  
“You’re a goddess. If I weren’t blissfully married, boss, I’d kiss you right here.”  
  
She smiles uneasily at his joke. “Please don’t.”  
  
“Yeah. Sarah’d kill me. So tell me about the new guy. Is it true he bounced back from a biotoxin?”  
  
“Yes,” she answers tersely. “I wouldn’t mention it to him.”  
  
“Why didn’t Davidson fight him on accompanying us in the field?”  
  
“Meredith knows what she’s doing.”  
  
“You aren’t worried he’ll have trouble keeping up?”  
  
“Trust me, Mike. Jack’s the best. Let me worry about the risks.”  
  
55.  
  
“It’s too risky. I don’t like it."  
  
Jack grimaces. The operation’s gone south. It’s their only play. "I'll be fine, Renee."  
  
"You'll be completely unarmed.”  
  
“I can’t go in there with a weapon. They’ll know.”  
  
“Renee,” Chloe cuts in over the comm. “You’ve got two cars a mile out headed your way. It’s them.”  
  
“We're running out of time, Renee. Unless you have a better plan...”  
  
“Fine,” she growls. “ _Be careful._  And stay on comm. The rest of you are with me.”  
  
He watches the agents jump up and follow her into place, then turns to grasp the door handle.  
  
56.  
  
He watches her jump, grasping the cupboard door for balance. After two unsuccessful attempts, he finally interrupts. “Sarah, right? Need help?”  
  
“Yeah,” she huffs. “I can’t reach the last stack of cups.”  
  
Jack glances at the shelves. “Why don’t you use Renee’s mug?” he asks, taking it out.  
  
“You’re kidding, right? Everyone knows not to touch that thing.” Sarah looks around nervously. “You should probably put that back.”  
  
Jack hides a smile. Renee’s still protective of the mug he gave her. That pleases him for some reason.  
  
Tomorrow, he decides, he’ll switch mugs with Renee.  He’s been needing some entertainment.  
  
57.  
  
It's become a form of office entertainment.  
  
"What'd I miss?"  
  
"Division wants jurisdiction. Jack’s trying for a compromise."  
   
Luke snorts. “No contest. Ten on Renee."  
  
“Ditto. It’s Parker.”  
  
Sarah smiles knowingly. "You’re both on."  
  
They watch intently through the glass doors. When Renee's stance slowly shifts from defiance to reluctant concession, the men groan.  
  
“OH C’MON. Who is this guy?"  
  
“How’d you know she’d cave?”  
  
“Are they...y'know?”  
  
A throat clears behind them.  
  
"If you want to keep your jobs, I suggest you get back to work before Davidson catches you.”    
  
Chloe watches in satisfaction as the agents scramble away.  
  
58.  
  
Meredith watches in satisfaction as the agents dodge Jack’s blows.  
  
“For someone who’s supposed to be dead, he’s frighteningly good,” Wyatt remarks, handing her Renee's probation release form.  
  
“What changed?” she asks, surprised.  
  
"Since Jack’s arrival, Renee’s lost the insecurity holding her back. She doesn’t have to win every fight anymore. Their relationship’s good for her.”  
  
Meredith frowns. “They aren’t-"  
  
“No. But they are involved emotionally. It’s probably what makes them so good in the field.”  
  
Below, Renee joins Jack’s training session. They move like satellites drawn by the same gravitational pull. They’re untouchable.  
  
“Their technique is flawless,” she agrees.  
  
59.  
  
“Your technique is terrible,” a voice says from behind.  
  
Startled, Renee turns around. She shoots Jack a dirty look. “Thanks. That helps.”  
  
“Here,” he says, placing his hand over hers, pressing down hard. “Remember, you're keeping a heart pumping. Put more force into it.”  
  
“I hate CPR.”  
  
“If it helps, pretend it’s me,” he calls out, exiting the room.  
  
She growls in frustration. Wonderful. Now instead of chest compressions, she’ll be thinking about Jack, imagining the feel of soft lips when breathing into the dummy. She’ll never pass now.  
  
_They might as well start an office pool,_  she thinks sardonically.  
  
60.

 


	7. The Beauty of the Breakdown

61.  
  
The excessive politeness is weirding Chloe out.  
  
At first she thought it was because Kim confirmed that they’re going to be visiting soon. No one makes Jack light up like Teri does. It makes sense that he’d be in a nicer mood.  
  
But Renee is acting differently too. They’re too polite, too reserved around each other, when Chloe knows they’d normally be laughing or bickering about it.  
  
She doesn’t like it. It isn’t them. She really pissed off at Luke for being so dumb.  
  
She hopes they go back to normal soon. They shouldn’t let stupid rumors get to them.  
  
62.  
  
Renee tries not to let the rumors swirling around them get to her.  
  
She treats Jack differently because she already knows he respects her. They’ve been through hell together. The trust they share is...unique.  
  
But it’s nothing more than that.  
  
She hates being the center of the rumor mill. It’s the whole Larry disaster all over again. The things said at his funeral still sting almost a year later.  
  
She had hoped New York would be different.  
  
She wishes the comments didn’t bother her so much.  
  
_It’s not like they mean anything. Jack doesn’t even see you that way._  
  
63.  
  
Jack isn’t blind. He can see that she’s been unusually irritable lately and it’s starting to concern him.  
  
She slams the phone down hard.  
  
"Is everything okay?"  
  
"It’s fine. I just can’t believe Parker’s trying to blame you for something that’s his fault. Again."  
  
Yeah, that's bullshit. Kirk doesn't get her this riled up.  
  
“You sure? Because you’re getting really worked up over something I could have handled myself.”  
  
"You don’t want me to defend you anymore? Fine,” she says coolly, walking away.  
  
Dammit. He didn’t mean it like that.  
  
Mike whistles lowly. “Someone’s on a warpath.”  
  
64.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
65.  
   
He's the only one who understands. She tells herself that's the only reason she's asking.  
  
“How did you deal with Teri's death?”  
   
"You take it day by day. Eventually it turns into a dull ache, but it doesn't go away. Anniversaries are the worst." He hesitates. "Two months ago was fourteen years to the day, and it still hurt like hell.”  
   
She does the math and it hits her that the date was shortly before her visit to L.A. His words about loss and balance ring in her head, now with new meaning.  
  
“I’m sorry,” she says.  _For everything._  
  
66.  
  
“I’m sorry. You don’t wanna hear this.”  
  
She’s a little drunk, but he can’t blame her. Not today. The rambling he could do without though. There’s only so much about Larry Moss he can take.  
  
“But y'know, the most annoying thing? We never even slept together.”  
  
He almost swerves off the road.  
  
“She just assumed because he wouldn’t give up our friendship. And we-- I couldn’t get past breaking up his marriage. Even though I didn’t  _do_  anything.”  
  
Jack sighs. Just when he thinks he understands, he’s reminded how much he needs to learn.  
  
“It was just a big mistake.”  
  
67.  
  
It's a mistake.  
  
They don't even kiss. It's just fucking. Passion without thought, to remember and forget.  
  
He takes in the feel of her body pressed against his. The softness of her breasts, the urgency of her hips, the way they move together in a panicked pace. Wrapped in the dark and tangled sheets, they can lose themselves in each other, even if it's just for one night.  
  
It won't happen again. It's just that she needs this and the weakness in him can't say no, not when he wants it too.  
  
So for tonight he'll compromise. Just this once.  
  
68.  
  
She’s afraid she’s compromised their relationship.  
  
It’s not that they had sex. She isn’t afraid of losing his respect. They’re two single, consenting adults, who happen to work with each other, but CTU doesn't have a rule against co-workers dating.  
  
It’s that she and Jack have no intention of dating. Renee isn’t proud to admit it, but it was a pity fuck. She doesn’t want him to think that she wants more, unless he wants more, which she’s almost certain he doesn’t.  
  
She has to fix this.  
  
She look at her phone reluctantly.  
  
They have to talk.  
  
69.  
  
He wants to talk, but he’s not sure what to say. A clusterfuck of emotions is eating away at him.  
  
He tells himself he didn’t take advantage of her.  She needed him; he was there for her. He’s just glad she wasn’t sober enough to realize how out of practice he was.  
  
The problem is, he keeps replaying the night in his head. He’s always been drawn to her, but he held back for her sake. He ruins everyone he touches. Teri, Claudia, Audrey.  
  
He can’t lose Renee too. Having sex doesn’t change that.  
  
He doesn’t know what to do.  
  
70.  
  
One look at Jack and Renee knows what to do.  
  
She straightens before launching into her carefully rehearsed speech. “First, I want to thank you. I was a mess last night and--”  
  
“Renee...”  
  
“You don’t have to say it, Jack. I know you’re not looking for a relationship, right?”    
  
She tries to ignore the way her heart twists when he nods reluctantly, confirming her suspicions.  
  
“So, can we just pretend last night never happened? I don’t want this to mess up our friendship.”  
  
“Neither do I.”  
  
“So, friends?”  
  
“Friends,” he agrees.  
  
They wait in awkward silence, until the meeting begins.


	8. Flying on Broken Wings

71.  
  
He pulls her through the opening and sandwiches her between himself and the crate he’s using for protection. The roar of the explosion and the heat on his back are all he's aware of as he shields her from the blast, eyes scrunched shut.  
  
He opens his eyes when he feels rather than hears her breathe out her thanks against his earlobe. He shivers involuntarily and only then does he realize she’s flush against him, every inch of her body pressing against his, point to point.  
  
Eyes widening, he pulls away immediately and tries to stop his line of thought.  
  
72.  
  
Kim tries stop the line of thought that something might be going on between Renee and her father. Instead, she settles for the more obvious question of how Renee got into the apartment.  
  
“Oh, I used my key.”  Before Kim can comment, Renee rushes to explain. “It’s strictly for emergency use. Like stocking his fridge when Parker keeps him late at work.” She holds up the groceries.  
  
“Well, thanks for taking care of him.”  
  
Renee shrugs. “It’s not a big deal.”  
  
Kim lets the protest slide. It’s enough for her that someone is making sure her father doesn’t slip away.  
  
73.  
  
She always slips away in his dreams.  
  
Sometimes it’s thirty seconds; other times it’s five. But he’s always too late.  
  
In the smoky haze of the flaming debris, he finds Renee, neck violently cracked to the side.  He sees her face, her head lolling to the side to face him, accusing him with glazed half open eyes in a dead stare.  
  
 _Why didn't you save me?_  
  
He doesn’t know why he keeps having this particular nightmare, why he keeps feeling this foreboding sense of doom.  
  
 _She’s fine now. She’s safe. You both are,_  he repeats to himself.  _Nothing has changed._  
  
74.  
  
Something’s changed.  
  
It was awkward at first, but surprisingly, they put her embarrassing little meltdown behind them fairly quickly and everything went back to normal.  
  
At least she thought. Lately it feels different.  
  
It isn’t uncomfortable, but there’s something new, just under the surface. He keeps looking at her funny.  
  
She doesn’t understand it. It’s like trying to dance with someone who keeps changing the steps unexpectedly. Three steps forward, two steps, not back but to the side.  
  
She refuses to let it get to her. They’re fine now.  
  
Even if she doesn’t know what the hell is going on.  
  
75.  
  
“What the hell was that, Renee?!”  
  
“It worked.”  
  
“Barely! Why didn’t you wait for back-up?”  
  
“There wasn’t enough time.”  
  
“It wasn't worth almost dying!”  
  
“So what? You can take a risk, but not me?” The edge in her tone is unmistakable.  
  
“Renee-”  
  
“No, Jack.  _Enough_ ,” she snaps. “I spent years training at Quantico, I am a federally certified field agent, and I am the Head of this division, so stop treating me like I’m Teri.”  
  
The retort stuns everyone into silence.  
  
Jack walks away, shaking in anger. Renee glares at anyone who dares to speak. Nobody looks their way.  
  
76.  
  
He looks over their way for the twelfth time. “This is weird.”  
  
"Just stop, Luke," Sarah mutters.  
  
"But it’s been days and NOTHING! No bickering, no flirting, no Vulcan mind melds where they finish each other's sentences. Just silence. It's freaking me out."  
  
"It's freaking everyone out, but you're the only one who won't shut up about it. You better get going before Meredith notices you’re too busy gawking at Jack and Renee to do your work."  
  
“Nah,” Luke says, leaning back in his chair. “Boss Lady loves me.”  
  
“LUKE!”  
  
He almost stumbles backwards onto the floor. Sarah sighs exasperatedly.  
  
77.  
  
Jack sighs exasperatedly.  
  
 _More status reports. Wonderful._  
  
He hates bureaucratic bullshit. Normally he’d deal by ranting about it to Renee, but....yeah.  
  
He still hasn't forgiven her for the Teri comment.  
  
Renee isn’t Teri, but she’s headed that way if she isn’t careful. He doesn't want her to become another person he has failed to protect.  
  
In retrospect, though, he shouldn’t have yelled at her like that. Their job is a dangerous one and he doesn’t have the right to tell her not to take risks.  
  
It’s all so fucked up.  
  
He fights the urge to pick up the phone.  
  
78.  
  
She fights the urge to pick up the phone.  
  
She crossed the line by bringing up his grand daughter. It was uncalled for and being angry is no excuse.  
  
But dammit, she was right too. She got the third highest ranking in her class in Quantico for god’s sake. She knows what she is doing.   
  
And he was completely undermining her authority. They only lifted her probation a month ago. She already feels judged enough. It stung more coming from him.  
  
Still, she has to make it right. She won’t let this break them.  
  
There’s nothing left to do but apologize.  
  
79.  
  
"There’s nowhere else to go! Stop or I will shoot!"  
  
 _They always run_ , Jack thinks, as he chases the suspect into the alley.  
  
A shower of bullets greets him.  
  
Thankfully, Renee provides him enough cover fire to end the ambush in minutes.  
  
“Nice shot,” he says, turning around.  
  
He blanches when he sees her falling. He dives to catch her and panic rises when his hands come away slippery with blood.  
  
“MIKE, WE NEED A MEDIC! RENEE’S DOWN!”  
  
“Luke, get dispatch!”  
  
“On it!” he yells frantically.  
  
“They’re coming, Jack,” Chloe reassures him.  
  
“Just hurry,” he says hoarsely. “Hang on, Renee.”  
  
80.  
  
“Hang on, Jack.” Renee fumbles with her phone. “Gotta go, Mom. See you soon...Okay, I’m back.”  
  
She can hear him breathing, but he doesn’t answer. She’s about to say something when finally he speaks.  
  
"I just wanted to make sure."  
  
"Of what?"  
  
"Of you."  
  
Renee's heart lurches.  
  
"I know. You’re fine. It’s stupid to call."  
  
"No," she says quietly. "It wasn’t...Jack, I’m sorry."  
  
"No,  _I'm_  sorry.”  
  
“I meant about before.”  
  
“Doesn’t matter. You almost died."  
  
“It’s not your fault.”  
  
"But-"  
  
"But nothing,” she says firmly. “It’s not your job to save me."  
  
She hopes someday he’ll accept that.


	9. Ways to Kiss Without Touching

81.  
  
She doesn't think anything of it when Jack stops by to drop off papers on the night her sisters come to town. He's predictably apologetic. It's sweet, of course, but typical Jack. No big deal.  
  
Claire and Stephanie disagree.  
  
"You didn't tell us Jack was hot!"  
  
" _That's_  Jack? Renee! You said he was a grandfather."  
  
"He is!"  
  
"What, did he have kids at sixteen?"  
  
“This is why I never visit," Renee mumbles.  
  
"I wouldn't either if I had that to greet me every morning."  
  
"So, you two kissed yet?"  
  
She has to bite her lip to prevent herself from speaking.  
  
82.  
  
Renee bites her lip to prevent herself from asking, but the words come spilling out anyway.  
  
"What was Michelle like?"  
  
Jack takes the photograph from her slowly. "She was smart. And kind, but brave." She watches his face transform with the softness of nostalgia. "Michelle was always so strong in her convictions. If she believed in something, she’d go up against anyone. Even Tony-"  
  
And just as suddenly it's gone.  
  
“Jack?”  
  
"Michelle was the voice of reason. She made Tony better."  
  
"Sounds like I would have liked her."  
  
He smiles bittersweetly. "You would have. She would have liked you too."  
  
83.  
  
“He’d like you to get him a new entertainment center.”  
  
“How do you know what my father wants for his birthday?” Renee asks in confusion.  
  
“Your sister said so. The older one who talks a lot.”  
  
“You talked to  _Claire_?”  
  
“Yeah, I accidentally answered your phone. I thought it was mine.”  
  
Renee dies quietly inside. She prays that whatever Claire said was only mildly embarrassing.  
  
“So a surprise birthday party huh?”  
  
“Yeah, I have until July, but I want to find something soon.”  
  
“I can help you look later today.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Sure. Anything to get out of this damn heat.”  
  
84.  
  
 _It's so damn hot._  
  
Her first day back in field and of course, it has to be over 100 degrees.  
  
She forgets the heat momentarily when Jack approaches her in a t-shirt.  
  
She should look away, but it’s hard. Jack never wears short sleeves and his tattoos keep catching her eye. The designs ripple on his forearms as he moves. She wonders about the people in his past, the untold stories indelibly inked into his skin.  
  
 _Stop staring. You act like you’ve never seen them before._  
  
She can’t help it. She can’t get over how beautiful his arms are.  
  
85.  
  
He can’t get over how graceful she is, even while chasing down a suspect. She moves with more speed than strength. It makes her seem sleeker somehow.  
  
The suspect leaps across to the next building. His heart fills with dread when he sees the predatory gleam in her eyes.  
  
Time slows down as she flies through the air. He holds his breath until she clears the ledge.  
  
 _Goddamnit, Renee._  
  
To her credit, she  _has_  cut back on taking risks, but still. They’re having a long talk later.  She’s going to take another year off his life doing shit like that.  
   
86.  
  
She’s added another year to her life today. The thought is overwhelmingly depressing until she finds everyone in her office beaming around a cake.  
  
“What?” Jack says innocently. “You think you’re the only one who can look up birthdays in other people’s files?”  
  
“Who says I did? I can retain a lot of information. You only wish you had my skills."  
  
“That a challenge?”  
  
“Thank god, you’re back to normal. I’ve missed the Jack and Renee Show.”  
  
“SHUT UP, LUKE!” they yell in unison.  
  
“See?!”  
  
“You tie him up,” Jack growls. “I’ll shoot him.”  
  
Luke pales. “Okay, I give up.”  
  
87.  
  
"I give up. I can't read this anymore. I need a nap."  
  
"Finally admitting defeat?"  
  
"Yes, you win," he says, collapsing onto the couch.  
  
She laughs wearily. "I'd celebrate, but I'm too tired to stand."  
  
"You know, you didn't have to stay and help me. You should be out with friends or something."  
  
"You're better company."  
  
Jack looks at her and smiles.  He's glad he hasn't lost this. "Wake me in twenty?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Three hours later, Jack wakes up to find Renee fast asleep, with her feet tucked under his legs, papers scattered between them.  
  
 _Insomniac, my ass,_  he snorts.  
  
88.  
  
Insomnia has been hitting him hard since Renee left for Missouri.  
  
To help with his memory, he’s come to associate cities with people. L.A. will always be Kim and Teri to him. Sangala City is Carl. Chicago is Tony. Washington D.C. is Audrey.  However nostalgic or painful the memories, those people always spring to mind when he thinks of those cities.  
  
Renee is New York. Bright and alive.   
  
He gazes at the glittering city lights, and the corners of his mouth curl upward. Like her, it's the city that never sleeps, and it doesn't feel complete without her.  
  
89.  
  
"Your life will never feel complete without that special someone, Renee."  
  
Leave it to her mother to squeeze in one last dig even as she's headed to the airport.  
  
"Don't roll your eyes. I'm just saying, put yourself out there more. I want you to be happy."  
  
"I am, Mom."  
  
And she is. On the flight, she realizes how much she loves her imperfect life. She loves her annoying sisters. She loves her insane coworkers and crazy job.  
  
She loves Jack.  
  
He grins when he sees her, grabbing her suitcase.  
  
"Good to have you back."  
  
"I’m glad to be home."  
  
90.  
  
“I’m glad we stayed home for the fireworks.”  
  
He smiles in agreement. It strikes him how wonderful it is, just being on his rooftop with her. He turns to say so, but he’s stopped by her lips brushing against his.  
  
She’s changing the game again, breaking the rules like she always does.  
  
But this feels too good, too right to stop. They aren’t broken, fighting, or caught up in the past. They’re here in the now, sober and whole.  
  
“What are we doing?”  
  
“I have no idea.”  
  
Overhead, starbursts of colored light explode in the night sky.  
  
They go unnoticed.


	10. Falling Is Like This

91.  
  
The glow of her cellphone mocks her, daring her to try again.  
  
She’s dialed his number six times, and once, she almost pressed send.  
  
It’s stupid, really. They both want this. After everything they’ve been through, it shouldn’t be so hard to ask him on a date.  
  
She’s scared of what happened before. Love isn't always enough and she doesn’t think they would survive it this time if things fall apart again. She absolutely cannot lose what they have together. The prospect of losing him terrifies her.  
  
 _It’s just coffee,_  she tells herself.  _Nothing risky about that. Stop overthinking it._  
  
92.  
  
He doesn’t stop to think how much they’re risking. They don’t label what they are. Labeling it would force them to recognize all the reasons they might not work.  
  
Instead he tries to enjoy her company and ignore the tug of fear that he’ll damage her somehow.  
  
It’s just...sometimes she laughs and it strikes him how young she is. She’s been hurt but she’s still whole.  
  
He’s not.  
  
He’s damaged and old, and he can't offer her a normal life. He’s been broken too many times.  
  
He wonders why she’s with him when any smart person would have run.  
  
93.  
  
All the smart people are running for cover, but Jack and Renee are laughing too hard to escape the deluge.  
  
They spent hours in traffic because of an accident. They got to the park, and it was completely packed. They finally found a spot for their picnic, and the torrential rain started.  
  
It’s so ridiculously bad it's funny.  
  
When they make it into the car, Jack turns to her, breathless. "Hell of a first date."  
  
They’re soaked to the bone and ruining her seats.  
  
She doesn’t care.  
  
She grins and pulls him into a kiss as the storm rages outside.  
   
94.  
  
The storm rages loudly outside, but Jack barely notices it. He’s too caught up in relishing the peace he feels, sitting with Renee and reading a book.  
  
He’s content.  
  
“President Taylor wants a Division liaison for the UN Summit next year,” he says quietly. “I’ve decided to accept her offer.”  
  
Renee looks up from her laptop. “I thought you hated Parker.”  
  
“The benefits of staying outweigh the costs,” he answers with a hint of a smile.  
  
She beams at him and he returns to his book. The rain beats against the window as they slip back in a comfortable silence.  
  
95.  
  
She slips the comforter back over her chest, blushing in embarrassment.  
  
“Stop hiding them,” he teases, pulling the sheets from her grasp. “I think they’re cute.”  
  
“Cute? No. Puppies are cute. Freckles are…annoying.”  
  
“Freckles are sexy.”  
  
"Shut up,” she laughs, throwing a pillow at his head.  
  
“Here, let me show you.”  
  
He skims his finger along her collarbone, connecting the dots, mapping trails on her skin. She closes her eyes as he moves lower, replacing his hands with his mouth. She can feel his smile as she shudders ever so slightly.  
  
“You’re right. What the hell was I thinking?”  
  
96.  
  
“What the hell were you thinking, Renee?!”  
  
“If I hadn’t done something, you’d be dead right now.”  
  
“I could have handled it!”  
  
“No you couldn’t! You say I’m too reckless with my life. Take a look in the mirror, Jack.”  
  
He levels a gaze at her and she meets him head on. They remain locked in a silent battle until the chirp of the phone breaks the silence.  
  
“It’s Meredith. We should go.” Renee grabs his arm as he passes in front of her. “I’m tired of having the same argument, Jack. Aren’t you?”  
  
He closes his eyes and nods.  
   
97.  
  
She opens her eyes, but he continues to watch his hand as it rises and falls on her chest.  
  
“Jack? What's wrong?"  
  
“I'm sorry I almost killed you.”  
  
“What?”  
  
In darkness, fingers trace the scar on her neck. “I shot you and buried you alive. If Bill and Chloe hadn't found you in time, you'd be dead in a ditch somewhere.”  
  
“I understa-”  
  
“I never apologized. I'm sorry.”  
  
“It's okay.”  
  
It's not, but he's grateful when she turns her body into his and wraps his arm around her securely. He falls asleep to her heartbeat reassuring him she's still here.  
  
98.  
  
She’s still here, but there are times when she wonders whether she’s fighting a losing battle. No one ever said dating Jack Bauer would be easy, but she wasn’t expecting an emotional roller coaster either.  
  
On the good days, it's unlike any gift she has ever received. He makes her feel different somehow. Special. Worthy.  
  
But when he pushes her away, she has to remind herself it’s because of a stupid, misguided desire to protect her from himself. It’s not because she's not enough. She isn’t the consolation prize for this beautiful, broken man.  
  
She wishes things weren’t so complicated.  
  
99.  
  
It’s messy, it’s complicated, and half the time they don’t know what they’re doing. She deserves better.  
  
"You want me to leave?" she asks, her voice cracking with hurt.  
  
This is why she should.  
  
"It’d be better for you if you did."  
  
"I'm not asking what'd be better, I'm asking if you want me to leave!"  
  
Unable to answer, he sighs and pulls her close, murmuring apologies.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere," she mutters against his chest.  
  
He was afraid this would happen. He tried to fight it but it’s too late. He needs her, and this can only end badly.  
  
100.  
  
This can only end badly.  
  
He’s not the smart choice. Jack reminds her of everything she lost that day and they alternate between hurting and finding solace in each other.  
  
But she can’t bring herself to care. She forgets she's not whole when she's with him and there’s no one she trusts more.  
  
They’re better together than apart. They’re a beautiful disaster.  
  
“I thought you wanted to slow things down,” she teases half-heartedly, as he pulls her close.  
  
“Shut up,” he says, grinning into her kiss.  
  
Everything falls apart. They might as well fall together and enjoy the ride.  
  
  
[ _finis_.]

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction - all events and actions are completely made up. Absolutely nothing in this story should be taken as fact. This original work of fan fiction is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License; attribution should include a link to this page. (In other words, all 24 characters belong to Fox et al. Original characters and artwork belong to me. Please don't use without permission.)
> 
>  
> 
> Unending thanks to leigh57 and catch22girl for their excellent beta comments. This is by far the longest thing I've ever written and this wouldn't be half as good without your hard-core beta-ing. Thank you for everything. I'd be adrift in this fandom without you.


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